AFC Bournemouth Forum - A few Friday funnies.
UK time is: 06:37:10

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It is Vital'

Search Forums | Calendars | Albums | Quotes | Language
You are logged in as a guest. ( logon | register | forgotten password )AFCB Vital on FacebookAFCB Vital on Twitter

A few Friday funnies.
Alert Team: Alert Team

Jump to page : 1
Now viewing page 1 [20 messages per page]
Previous thread :: Next thread
   AFCB Vital: Forums » UpTheCherries Forum 

Posted 9/2/2018 07:12
#1041059
Subject: A few Friday funnies.



UTC Legend

Posts: 22312
100001000010001000
Location: Brittany, France
THESE ARE JOKES WEST MOORS CHERRY AND NOT REAL LIFE..

A horse is in a pub having a few beers when he spots a donkey in the corner so he goes over for a chat.

The donkey asks “What do you do for a living?”

The horse says “I run on the flats in the summer and do the jumps in the winter.”

And the donkey says “I work with the kids on the beach.”

He asks the horse “Did you win anything?”

The horse replies “Yes, on the flats I won the Oaks, St Leger and the Derby. And over the jumps I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup.”

They arrange to meet at the donkey’s house the following week and the donkey thinks “I really need to impress this guy…he done everything.” So he goes out and buys a big picture of a Zebra and hangs it above his fireplace.

The horse arrives and says “Lovely place you have here, who’s that in the picture on the wall?”

The donkey replies “That’s me when I used to play for Juventus..”

---

It's my lucky day. I just found a beanie hat outside the railway station with £12.56 in it.
I had to move quick though. The bloke playing a guitar also had his eye on it too.

---

I just had to tell my patient how badly I've messed up his plastic surgery.

I'll never forget the look on his elbow.

---

Several men are in the locker room at the golf club.

A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: 'Hello'

WOMAN: 'Darling, it's me. Are you at the club ?'

MAN: 'Yes'

WOMAN: 'I am at Bluewater and I've found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £500.

Is it OK if I buy it?'

MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'

WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership on the way here and saw the new 2019 Models. I saw one I really liked.'

MAN: 'How much ?'

WOMAN: '£95,000

MAN: 'OK, but for that price please make sure you haggle for all the optional extras.'

WOMAN: 'Great ! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £750,000.

MAN: 'Well, if you still like it that much, why not make an offer of £700K. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if you think it's really worth it.'

WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later ! I love you so much !'

MAN: 'Bye ! I love you, too.'

The man hangs up.

The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He turns and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

---

As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind St Peter.

He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'

St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock.

Every time you lie the hands on your clock move.'

'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that?'

'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. 'The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'

'Incredible', said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'

St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that
Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.'

'Where's Donald Trump's clock?' asked the man.

'Trump's clock is in Jesus's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.'
Top of the page Bottom of the page

Posted 9/2/2018 07:45
#1041061 - in reply to #1041059
Subject: Re: A few Friday funnies.


UTC Legend

Posts: 6718
50001000500
I prefer your facts
Top of the page Bottom of the page

Posted 9/2/2018 09:02
#1041074 - in reply to #1041059
Subject: Re: A few Friday funnies.


UTC Legend

Posts: 5924
5000500
Entertaining on a Friday morning, thanks al. First line was the best!
Top of the page Bottom of the page

Posted 9/2/2018 09:47
#1041085 - in reply to #1041059
Subject: Re: A few Friday funnies.


Star Player

Posts: 1389
1000
The donkey joke made me laugh out loud in the laundromat.
Top of the page Bottom of the page

Posted 9/2/2018 12:51
#1041117 - in reply to #1041059
Subject: Re: A few Friday funnies.


First Team

Posts: 978
500
Trump one Best. Donkey one second. All others good and never heard them before. Will tell them to my Saints friend tommorow in pub. He needs a laugh!
Top of the page Bottom of the page

Posted 9/2/2018 12:55
#1041118 - in reply to #1041059
Subject: Re: A few Friday funnies.


UTC Legend

Posts: 16200
1000050001000
....when you see your saints fan....say that you hear that they have apparently signed Lenny Henry...so that they can stay in The Premier!
Top of the page Bottom of the page

Posted 9/2/2018 13:18
#1041120 - in reply to #1041059
Subject: Re: A few Friday funnies.



Plastic

Posts: 15824
100005000500
Location: Outside the tent; pissing in, sagaciously.
For those of you stuck in a real office.

"Quitters never win, winners never quit.
But those who never win and never quit are idiots."


"Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines"


"Never do today that which will become someone else's responsibility tomorrow."


"Statistics are like a lamp post is to a drunk; more for leaning on than illumination."


"Screw up that blue sky thinking scenario by leaving the first vapour trail."



Top of the page Bottom of the page

Posted 9/2/2018 13:22
#1041122 - in reply to #1041059
Subject: Re: A few Friday funnies.


First Team

Posts: 978
500
They need Dawn French in goal! The pre- diet Dawn!
Top of the page Bottom of the page
Jump to page : 1
Now viewing page 1 [20 messages per page]
Jump to forum :
Search this forum
Printer friendly version
E-mail a link to this thread

AFCB Vital - The Latest News

resource/teams/newcastle/575_a.jpg

Cherries Back To Winning Ways?

After the Cherries visit to Huddersfield, which brought to an end the unbeaten run and then a break away to Portugal while the FA Cup ties took place. AFCB are back on home soil this Saturday against ...

Click here to read full article
resource/teams/bournemouth/1020_a.jpg

Howe: Francis is growing as captain all the time

AFC Bournemouth manager Eddie Howe has praised captain Simon Francis following his 33rd birthday....

Click here to read full article
resource/teams/bournemouth/1024_a.jpg

Fraser: Stanislas is our best attacker

AFC Bournemouth winger Ryan Fraser has singled out Junior Stanislas for praise following his form this season....

Click here to read full article
resource/teams/bournemouth/1000_a.jpg

Howe: Nothing malicious behind it from Afobe

AFC Bournemouth manager Eddie Howe does not believe that Benik Afobe's comments and actions, since joining Wolverhampton Wanderers have been malicious....

Click here to read full article
resource/teams/bournemouth/836_a.jpg

Howe: Hopefully Cargill does very well

AFC Bournemouth manager Eddie Howe is hopeful that defender Baily Cargill will enjoy his time with Scottish Premiership side Partick Thistle....

Click here to read full article

Breaking League News

Cherries Back To Winning Ways?
AFC Bournemouth : 23/02/2018 06:12:37
Instant Reactions - Arsenal v Ostersunds (22/2/18)
Arsenal : 22/02/2018 23:36:41
Willian Nominated For Goal Of The Week. Vote Here!
Chelsea : 22/02/2018 22:59:48
Two Ego`s And One Big Game
Chelsea : 22/02/2018 22:26:32
Arsenal : 22/02/2018 22:14:47

Other Network News

Mercedes uncertain on who will be a threat
Vital F1 : 22/02/2018 11:01:27
Verstappen dreading Halo introduction
Vital F1 : 21/02/2018 11:12:04
Smith Gets Change of Opponent in WBSS Semi-Final
Vital Boxing : 20/02/2018 17:59:25
Taylor Set for Lightweight Unification Fight
Vital Boxing : 20/02/2018 17:38:08
Smith to Set Fast Pace v Braehmer
Vital Boxing : 20/02/2018 17:29:24
Haas want to close the gap to Ferrari
Vital F1 : 20/02/2018 11:04:16
Joshua Tells It As It Is
Vital Boxing : 19/02/2018 17:23:27
Williams defend inexperienced line-up
Vital F1 : 19/02/2018 11:01:39
 
(Delete all cookies set by this site)